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life.. [22 Apr 2012|12:42pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

It's been years since I have posted on here. I don't have a journal I regularly write in, so I figured coming on here would be the next to best thing.

Lately I have had a lot of things in my life that have not been the easiest to handle, but I've always managed to swallow my pride and try my best to deal with things. I've had to struggle with depression/anxiety for years.. and I always thought I would just outgrow it. Relationships have come and go, with their own painful scars that I will keep in the past but fail to forget. I recently have ended a relationship of almost 2 years. I don't know how to feel about it because I'm still rather numb. I even thought of possibly marriage at some point, but now I just feel silly for even considering it. Clearly I was not an option in this person's life. I just put myself out there and feel like I never want to ever again. He never really made any solid commitment to me, so I suppose I am the one that should have known better. I know there are decent people out there, but they just don't seem to cross my path. Instead, when an issue arises for them, they run. Maybe i'll update this thing again in another few years. But I am not broken just yet.

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when can I be independent? [29 Nov 2008|04:18pm]
[ mood | sad ]

So I have less than 6 months to go before I graduate and get swallowed in a mass of students loans. Somehow that is the least of my problems right now....

My mother broke the news on halloween that my uncle from Arizona was going to be "temporarily" moving in with my family because he went bankrupt and has absolutely nothing to his name except his car and what belongs in it. He is a massive alcoholic that also happens to be diabetic (diabetes doesn't even run in my family..he abused himself THIS bad), and has the worst diet I have ever witnessed. He has a very perverted mind and does not refrain from saying things you should never even consider saying to a family member, and because of this I have avoided looking at him or even attempting to make conversation. He got here late sunday night so it's been 6 days since he has been here. He cannot walk because he got an infection in his leg that concerned doctors (they wanted to amputate it). But no, he decided that a procedure like that was too intense..So hey! lets walk around with a rotten leg. He has a 2L bottle of vodka he drinks in the spare bedroom, 1 in his car, and one he keeps in the kitchen to openly drink in front of the family. Who allows this?! My parents. They are way too nice and almost don't know how to approach the issue. Finally my mom freaked out one day and told him he was tearing our family apart with his problem so he just went upstairs. Personally, I would love to kick him out and tell him to live in his car. I also love how ill be in my room enjoying my morning cup of coffee and I can hear him through the thin walls of my house in the bathroom puking. When i wake up for school and take a shower he decides he needs to get up to go to the bathroom too..so I have to be careful leaving my the bathroom or the pervert will probably see me in my towel. Now i have to change in the bathroom...and my brother cannot sleep because my uncle stays up until 4am shouting at the tv..drunk.
Joe and I came late on thanksgiving because we visited his side of the family first. First thing my boyfriend sees is some creepy guy (my uncle) walking to his car...to drink.

Needless to say, I haven't been home much. My brother has not been home much. I think we've gone on strike to the idea of accepting this as a proper homelife.

My mom just walked into my room almost crying about it. She's waiting for my dad to do something...but my mom invited this creep into our house so I think the least she can do is voice her opinion. I understand her side because he is blood, but I don't think she understands what it's like inviting an alcoholic into the family. This should have been a family decision.

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just thought you'd like to know... [08 Sep 2008|11:19pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

I graduate May 10th, 2009.



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... [07 Mar 2008|06:31pm]
[ mood | sad ]

Today has been pretty horrible to say the least. It was one of those days what started off as a typical shitty day where you just shrug it off and know that tomorrow will be a better day...but then on the way home from school I checked my phone to find a voicemail of my mom crying and telling me to call her as soon as possible. I called back and she told me to get home right away.

I get home to see my sister and one of my cousin's car in the driveway...warning me that the news was worse than I had initially assumed. I walk in the house to see them sitting at the table and my mom tells me it's about Aunt Donna. She died in the hospital this morning.. Apparently she had been there since Sunday, but my uncle decided he did not think the situation had been serious enough to tell the family. The problem started off as her going to the hospital having bronchitis..then she developed pneumonia and some kind of spread of bacteria occurred that effected her systemically...all of her organs shut down...and she just died...at 3am this morning. I don't even feel like this day really is happening exactly. She was only 52. I keep crying because I never expected something so horrible to happen. I never handle death very well. They still technically don't even know what caused the death to occur randomly so an autopsy to confirm things. It's going to be a rough year..:(


R.I.P. Aunt Donna...I'll miss you dearly

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thank you [01 Mar 2008|10:53am]
[ mood | cold ]

Fafsa for claiming me as an independent now. I am poor and now the state of michigan can see that and hopefully give me lots of money:/ :)

On a side note...my muscles hurt more every day. having a gym membership is kicking my ass! But cute personal trainers motivate me more somehow...one in particular.

I have not had a drink since early January. I need a drink (or 8)...

Also if anyone would like to buy me this one ferret from petland and perhaps buy yourself another ferret from there so they can remain awesome buddies...That would be lovely. I promise you it would be well worth it for they are the cutest little things ever.

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my car is dead! [04 Feb 2008|11:48am]
so i decided to stay home from school and look at youtube videos of animals i want oh so much...

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[24 Jan 2008|11:34am]
[ mood | bored ]

So being the outcast that I am...I am sitting in a pitch black classroom on our lovely 3 1/2 hour break at school (love how they made our schedule:P) with 2 other classmates...the new school is ok but there is always a touch of ghettoness to everything that is within detroit...for example, there is a bullethole in one of the windows:


That is what I see when I look up and behind me...

i'm bored..2 hours and 12 minutes before clinic orientation...which means more boredom...help.:o

Weekend is closing in....yum.

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[16 Jan 2008|10:53pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

So I attempted to send one of those little icon gifts to a friend on facebook and they have listings of prices such as $1 to choose a "gift." They wanted my visa number..haha ..yeah, no.

Sum of the story: Facebook wants to take your money for "gifts" that are really non-existant making me dislike the site even more than before...grr.

oh and I hate school..but that isn't anything new :P

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[11 Jan 2008|12:44am]
people are stupid.
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[02 Jan 2008|02:35am]
had a rather hideous new years eve. oh and some kid(s) decided that the previous night they would go into my car and steal my extremely cheap ghetto CD player. I didn't find out until new years eve evening since I hadn't used my car before then...so basically i was pissed cause they made my car look like ass by taking my center councel as well and if i ever somehow find out who in fact did this...i'd like to stick a pine tree up their ass cause im sure that would hurt and deathify them but more than likely i'd just laugh at the idiots for the sake of them choosing a crappy cd player to steal. anything for a dollar i guess.

i dont wanna go back to school soon. i guess that's inevitable. im becoming even worse with people now days. for awhile i found myself fine and now that old depressing feelings are coming back and the raw selflessness of humankind keeps repeatedly showing itself to me and continuously trying to get under my skin and succeeding...i find myself just trying to well, want to scream at the top of my lungs "What the FUCK is wrong with you?" nobody gives a shit anyway so i guess ill just not even bother. nothing is worth getting upset about anymore. this year is gonna be busy...but i have a feeling new years eve of this year i will feel a huge weight off my shoulders and i can be my complete self again. until then theres summer..but ill admire the snow for now.

oh, and those dumb kids didnt even take my case of cds. i think its funny theyd think my music was too shitty to steal.
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la la. [26 Aug 2007|05:11pm]
[ mood | weird ]

i just got some kick ass corduroy (sp?) pants...they make me feel sexy.

I am officially single cause i really don't think it's cool to date someone you kind of well...hate..err, highly dislike.

Someone should come wif me to the renaissance festival because i miss the dead bob show and enjoy watching men in tights.

I also miss my bar but will not go there with what's his name. The bartenders are very sexy and not 40 like most other places...

what else..

not much else.

I'm horny and must turn to vibrators from now on. Fuck. Well, hopefully not.

The end.

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[12 Aug 2007|03:47pm]
I went to the manson show last night and it was really good. We got there halfway into Slayer playing...some moron with "my preacher bought my ticket" written on his chest kept running at me and a bunch of people on the hill in attempt to create a moshpit. Not very smart on a hill slant...I was - <~ this close to punching his silly looking face in. I wanted a drink and some weird older dude bought me one on the way back to the hill and it was cool cause the beers were like $9 and i just thanked him and walked back up. ha.
I love summer shows. I regret not seeing manson live sooner..i highly recommend anyone who likes entertainment to go next time...fo' real.
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I could get used to waking up this late every day [08 Aug 2007|01:25am]
[ mood | awake ]

i was getting ready to go to bed last night at 4am when i flipped the channel and there was an episode of animal cops from Detroit. This poor dog was neglected and starved in the cold and I had to stay up another hour to make sure he survived. I get really sad when they don't make it...but luckily they did everything they could and he pulled through. I feel bad because I think the only reason they did anything was because cameras were there. If not, the poor dog would have probably been put down. He was really lucky.

Last week was good. I had sushi for the first time in forever, I went to the beach (spf bajillion), I danced my ass of at luna, i went to woodward and drank all night only to find the bar tab crumbled in a ball by the slickest bartender and thrown in the trash can, and I enjoyed summer like anyone should. I hope this week is just as good.

On a side note, Zodiac is a really good movie. Kind of creeped me out though in some parts.

Time for a shower.

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hungover.. [27 May 2007|02:22pm]
This previous week was my orientation for the school. A long one at that. I walked in and they took my picture..and it looks horrid. If anyone wants to see it I can show you how constipated and handicap I look. I went to the dude who took it and made him take like 238293832 more pictures and chose the one I liked best. I still look handicap and fat. There are 27 students for the class of 2009 and they are all female..sheesh what a surprise! I found out the schools giving me a total of $13,000 in grant money for my gpa and theres a MI grant i'm getting for another 4,000 so that pays for like 17,000. i also get about 9,000 of my loans interest payed for be the government. it could be a lot worse. i was expecting no help..

We all seem to have mini clicks already. I already know one girl because we worked together..and she knows another girl..so we have our own little group for now. We sit at lunch and point out who the cutest dental students are. Yeah...not attracted to the idea of dating a soon to be dentist though, haha.

I have some weeks off this summer so thats going to be nice. My "big sister" hygiene student gave me all the exams/quizzes and notes from her past year so it will be a lot easier for me to get through this year of hell. The clinic is cool though and we get to use little dummies to work on before we work in the clinic.

I hope i don't get funky bags under my eyes from lack of sleep. i kinda notice them as it is when i smile a certain way. why are girls so critical? !
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[25 Apr 2007|11:38pm]
[ mood | hyper ]

so my hamster gobbles is currently in my file cabinet eating all of my paystubs and papers previously filed. Apparently he has gobbled (irony i suppose in giving him the name) a hole in the bottom of the cabinet and likes to crawl in when he has the chance to eat as much as he pleases.

i start school at my new school soon. i still have to buy scrubs and stuff but i suppose that doesn't excite me much so i am putting it off. i just am making a promise that no ugly colors..im thinking purple or hot pink..or hot green...might be ugly to some but i need something spunky. yes, spunky.

i keep telling myself this is only 2 years and after that ill have a degree and hopefully people will want to hire me. if that goes as planned i'll make amazing money and can move into a sexy apartment or house and have a pet bulldog named Bowser that will not live up to his bad ass name...if not i shall remain poor and at least say i tried. michigan doesn't appeal to me currently though so im thinking theres more luck outside of this usually boring place.

i don't plan on becoming a hermit either. yes ill be busy but i am going to make sure i still have a life...i wont have to work so it'll be nice to do stuff on the weekend. not used to that haha. bars galore! who needs books ;)

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who needs drama [07 Mar 2007|12:09am]
[ mood | refreshed ]

These past couple of months have been really undeclared as to whether I am in a relationship or not, but the more time progresses it's becoming clear what things are coming down to: relationships suck, especially long term ones that go absolutely NOWHERE. For the past couple of months it's been seeing him but really not having any special feelings, and now it's just silly dramatic phone calls and me contemplating what I've been continueing...why bother. Perhaps it's intimacy I feared giving up, but I have cut ties from that for the past month or so. I thought perhaps a trip to Chicago would help us become closer since we've been so distant, but as everyone has known, Joe is the most unreliable person that ever set foot on this earth. The lame phone call last week with false hopes of a nice escape outside of this hellhole we call Michigan is now looking like it may very well not happen. "I'd like to go during the week" gives me the assumption "hey, let's request time off work during the week" and then finding out yesterday that you can only go on a weekend and come back during when I should am supposed to be back at school tells me you planned this half assed and think your work priorities are above my school obligations. You are so fucking lame. Go...far away...in a cave...or something...

on a lighter note..

my hair looks cool again.

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[03 Sep 2006|04:48am]
wow, i haven't updated this thing in quite awhile. Not much has changed in the past months other than me trying to figure out life and where it will take me. I've been working really hard in school and applied to University of Detroit Mercy for dental hygiene. I intend to get a bachelor of applied science there..I went on Friday to meet with the head of admissions lady to review my transcript. She said after this semester I only have 2 classes (Speech and microbiology) to take, which is good because I initially thought I had to take an ethics course along with those. She seemed really pleased that I knew what to take and scheduled semesters in the manner I did. I won't hear about an interview probably until february or march...wish me luck.

I think it's sad that when you mention something like this to a friend they basically forget to (or dont even care to) ask how it went. It does not take a genius to know the friendship(s) I once had are basically at the point of being moreso aquaintances. Once this program begins my family and friends and boyfriend will be people I see very rarely. That won't be a problem in the friendship department seeing I don't really see them anyways.

Time for bed. Goodnight
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[18 Feb 2006|01:31pm]
blah..this month is killing me. no hours at work = no paycheck. and tonight they plan to cut me because of over scheduling. Any donations for this months bill? :(
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[11 Jan 2006|01:54am]
When you think you are broke and rummage through your purse to find a bank envelope with 20 dollars...damn, that is nice.
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bwahahaha... [08 Jan 2006|04:59pm]

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